Securing a bond with your baby

Part 7 of 10: The 'Becoming a Dad' Series

This is part seven of a ten-part series, Becoming a Dad.

Whether you’re an expecting dad, a new dad or a dad about to do it all again with your second or third baby, this series will help you to be confident and connected with your baby from day one.

Note that this series assumes you’re a new dad. Of course, that won’t be the case for a huge percentage of you, but please take the time to read it and share it with anyone you think might benefit from it.

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Part seven

As The Dad Vibes has grown I’ve had the opportunity to engage with more and more new dads, and if there’s one consistent thing I’ve identified, it’s that there’s a huge expectation that dads will be hit with this overwhelming sense of connection the moment they hold their baby for the first time, much like we see in the movies. But that just isn’t the case for everyone. Securing that bond and connection with your baby takes time, and in this section, I’ll be exploring plenty of ways you can work to secure that bond and connection with your little one.

The fact is, you don’t know your little one yet. Of course, you’re responsible for them, but this little bundle of joy has just turned your world upside down so that you can feel all the feelings right now. Let me share a brutally honest story with you:

When our baby Mia was born at the end of 2022, our oldest Luca was 4 and a half. I was 100% confident of the parent I want to be, I feel like I had my sh*t together and was ready to be a dad of 2. As I’ve probably shared with you, my wife and I have had a challenging journey growing our family. 7 pregnancies, 3 births, 3 beautiful kids but we only got to bring two of them home. So I considered myself so lucky when Mia was born because bringing home a healthy baby was something I didn’t think we’d ever get to experience again.

However, I can’t lie, when we brought Mia home, the transition to our new normal took some time. We had been so fixated on having a healthy baby I gave little thought to when/if we got to bring our baby home. Luca had our undivided attention for 4 and a half years. We had our little routines, our schedules and a fruitful life as a family of 3. However, for the first time, I had to tell Luca he had to wait for my attention. My wife and I had to tag-team when it came to spending time with him. And of course, this is all very normal for parents who grow their family beyond the first child. But I found this challenging.

And much like a referee in a football match, being a parent to a newborn in those early days and weeks is a thankless task. You’re just going through the motions of changing nappies, feeding, burping and rocking to sleep. You don’t know the little one so it takes time for that bond and connection to be secured.

But, I’m here to tell you, if you keep showing up, if you keep driving forward towards your new normal, you’ll reach a point where you could never imagine life without your baby. Reaching that new normal is immediate for some, but for others it takes time. If you need a reminder of this transition, don’t hesitate to jump back to the content in week 1, but that’s all focused on diving deep into the transition into fatherhood.